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3 things you should never say to your spouse or the mother of your children

Survive Parenthood Magazine focuses on tips and tricks that can help you survive the often stressful times of parenthood. At the same time, we recognize that there are moments that you just need to pick up your socks and survive the bumpy times that hit your marriage. And that must be why that the single most goggled phrase that seems to bring people here is “Things Not To Say To My Spouse.”

After the hysterical laughter died down, we began to think that perhaps there are some people out there who really need help with this. We’ve written an article on 3 things to never say to your wife after she has had your baby and it seems to be a crowd favorite, bringing in almost as many people as Casey Anthony did.

As any parenting magazine will profess, we want families to stay together. Imagine causing marital strife just because you simply didn’t know that you said something really, really dumb. It would be horrible, so we are here to help.

We will assume that those Goggling are male, and that they have already possibly put their foot in it and are trying to work their way out of the dog house.

And so, in honor of those frantic searchers, we present in no particular order, 3 things never to say to your wife:

 You look sort of fat in that outfit

Where shall I begin? Number one, if your spouse asks you this question, you are already doomed to failure. You must know that she could possibly be feeling insecure about her outfit or is looking for compliments. Maybe her pants are a little too tight, or she’s never successfully found her waistline after bearing your most recent child. No matter, because the only appropriate comment to make when asked this question is, “No, not at all! You look great!”  You may think about your honest assessment quietly to yourself, but you must never say it. As long as it doesn’t come out of your mouth, you are safe.

What do you do all day anyway?

This statement is usually in response to you walking in the door and discovering that the house is a mess and there is no dinner on the table for you. Or worse, there is dinner and it is Mac and Cheese or Macdonalds. Your wife looks frazzled, your kids are dirty, and you have no idea how 9 hours could have passed in your house and not a single thing has changed.

Resist the urge to comment. Until you spend an entire day in the house, you have no idea what could possibly occur in there. Maybe she played outside with the kids all day, maybe she worked in the garden, or maybe she just didn’t feel like cleaning. If you don’t feel like cleaning, why should she?

You don’t work. You have more free time than I do.

In the land where you live, does beer flow from the rivers and pretzels rain from the sky? No? Then we will assume you live on earth with the rest of us. There is no way to adequately explain how being a mother is a 24/7, 365 day a year job. How your spouse can go from changing a diaper, to wiping a nose, to cleaning up a pile of blocks all in 5 minutes. And if she does have a moment in her day that isn’t taken up by kids, chances are she’s thinking about them or planning something for them. Free time? Ha. Ha. It is to laugh.

When a man has free time, they really have free time. They turn off their cell phones and go and do something that makes them happy. Whether that be golfing, swimming, hiking, biking, or running. Your brain is trained on what you are doing, and I’d wager that you aren’t thinking about what is going on at home.

Motherhood can be overwhelming. Don’t contribute to the conflicting emotions. Unless, of course, your couch is really comfy.

We hope that you the aforementioned hints are helpful to you. And here is one more bonus tip: Think before you open your mouth. Weigh the pros and cons. If it sounds bad in your head, there is no doubt that it will ricochet off the walls of your house and shoot you in the foot.

 

 

 

 

 

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